It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
