We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
