I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
FUCK WHALES
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
