I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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