I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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