It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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