I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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