so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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