he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize