i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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