Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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