why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
