i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
