im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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