I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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