why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
