the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
