i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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