I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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