if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
