omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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