I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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