I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
this is an emotional support booty call
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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