I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
