Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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