Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
