Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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