genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
