OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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