okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
