I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
