I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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