ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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