why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
