Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
