you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
