If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize