even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
