Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
