:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
