i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
