The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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