so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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