Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
