I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He felt like a one man threesome
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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