no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
