Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
