just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
