when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize