I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
