you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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