you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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