I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Someone came in the potted fern
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
