Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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