I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
