Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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