we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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