I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
